Hush

Hush little sister, don't you cry

Give your tears a new purpose, give your tears a new life

Sing little sister, let your notes fly

Let your soul flow through the harmony of your heart

Laugh little sister, grin through your eyes

Pour out your joy through the cadence of your smiles

Lovely Day

Even if I'm living a relatively normal life

And my activities excite only my mom

Even if I won't pass as a beauty queen

Sans a paycheck as big as my peers

Even if I'm as single as a nun

Or haven't travelled far

Despite the daily crunch and hullabaloo

Despite the stress and stretch marks

I am happy. I am loved. I am blessed. Everyday is a lovely day. :)

Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a happy heart.

Kisame

Dear Kisame,

Kamusta ka? Malapit ko na namang makabisa ang kinaroroonan ng lahat ng agiw mo. Bukod sa ilang dagdag na gabok, nananatili kang kimi. Tititigan na naman kita ng matagal ngayong gabi. Ikaw na tanging saksi sa lahat ng mga ngiti, kilig, galit, hinagpis at hikbing kubli sa lahat. Tititigan ko na naman ang maraming pulgadang layo mo sa akin habang ika'y tahimik na nakikinig sa bawat pagpatak ng luha. Susubukan ko muling abutin ang iyong kinaroroonan, gaya ng pilit na pag-abot ng aking isip sa mga sagot sa katanungan. Pilit kong uunawain ang mga naganap ngunit muling mabibigo. Bagkus, manatili akong blanko, gaya ng iyong reaksyon.

Days as such

There are happy days
Those that make you float in the sky
But there are sad days
Days that make you curl up and cry

During those days it's important to cope
To live one day at a time
To fight one battle at a time
To harness more faith
To build more strength of heart

During the dark and dreary days it's important to pray
For a wise and discerning heart
For clarity behind two hazy eyes
For the will to surrender
For peace that we can't understand

During those days you cry, you bleed, you mumble
But during those days you put off giving up
You grip onto His promises until the bleeding stops
You raise your arms until the rivers of tears dry up
And you rest soundly in His hand



Every day is a blessing

A Masterpiece

My dear, never ever doubt yourself. Your worth is not commensurate to how others think of you, or how you think they think. What they think of you doesn’t matter. You just need to matter to a few people. People who really matter. You are smart, beautiful and classy. You are way better than how you see  yourself sometimes.  You are your life's main character and you own your stage. You are God’s masterpiece, crafted polished within a lifetime. You are a blessing.

Tropa. Friendzone. Basted

The floor opened and gobbled me whole at 6:00 AM in the morning. Your text message was way better than espresso, jolting me out of sleep. Funny thing, I woke up to your text message knowing that I did not sleep at all.

"Let's just be friends, and nothing more. Tropa tayo diba?"

Seriously? That freaking line. I thought I heard that in a chick flick that I suffered watching with you. Seriously. At 6 o'clock in the morning your words swallowed me whole.

I lovingly kept all your text messages. Three years' worth of seemingly important messages. "Hi. Musta? I miss you too. See you later. Smiley. Hehe. Go to the balcony, the moon is lovely. U umlaut." For me, those were sweet nothings. Apparently for you, it was just nothing.

I searched for your car yesterday. Blood. Panic. Sweat. Cramps. I stupidly searched for your car in three levels of car park. How can I miss logic that day. I failed to note that this was not a scene in a badly written movie. I should have just asked the guard where your car was. I found your car just near the door after losing considerable amount of sweat. My heart was racing as I placed a bouquet of roses that I carefully picked up earlier that day. I spent hours composing my note but ended up writing an incredible piece of crap.

Seeing you was the event to look forward to everyday. Blame proximity and propinquity but I started to cross out some specs in my archetype. I swam in that feeling of lightness whenever you are around. When I stopped asking myself "why?", that's when I knew all reason has fallen. I didn't mind disgusting cheesiness. I didn't mind doing fooling things. All foolishness was clad with a perfect feeling of lightness.

You texted me yesterday. "The flowers came from you, right?" I froze. I failed to reply. I wanted to talk to you personally. I wanted to let you know how miserable I was. I barely slept. I counted the minutes to the next day. I felt a sense of numbness after dropping the bomb. I assumed you barely slept too, judging from your 6:00 AM text message.

I am confused as to how I will place the activities that transpired in the last three years. We worked together. We ran together. Endured traffic together. Ate breakfast, lunch, or dinner together. We had coffee together. We laughed together.
Together. Was there really such a word? Was I just imprisoned in an illusion that we could be something more? I invested too much feeling in "together." Who was I kidding? Together, my face.

I saw you the next day wearing that new awkward feeling. Your mere presence in the office gives me claustrophobia. The office suddenly became too small for you and my overwhelming emotion. Seeing you gives me a lethargic feeling. Being with you in the same hallway just meant raising both eyebrows or nodding and nothing more. Being with you in the same hallway makes me want to barf with pain. Seeing your eyes is a strong reminder of that 6:00 AM text message on that fateful day.

"Let's just be friends, and nothing more. Tropa tayo diba?" And all hell broke loose.

***
Written for a friend who is nursing a broken heart

-- 30 --

Madalas naman ang pagwawakas
Isang realidad sa pang-araw araw na buhay
Huling episode ng paboritong telenovela
Huling hininga ng paboritong artista
Pagtatapos ng isang gawain o relasyon, trabaho o bakasyon
Pagtatapos ng araw sa bawat takipsilim
Pagtatapos ng buwan o pagsasara ng taon

Madalas naman ang pagwawakas
Ngunit bakit laging kaakibat ang mabigat na pakiramdam

Hindi ko alam kung magpapadespedida ba ko o hahayaan ko na lang
Hindi ko alam kung pipiliin ang tahimik na pagiimpit ng pinto o ang madramang pagyayakapan bago lumisan
Nahihirapan akong maniwala sa kasabihang pag may nagsarang pinto, may nagbubukas ng bintana
Nahihirapan akong sumugal sa madilim na crossfade ng scene 1 and 2
Nalilito ako habang naglalakbay sa proseso na inuutas ni Kubler-Ross
Nahihirapan akong lunukin ang mapait na wakas

The end. Fin. 30. That's all folks.
Madalas naman ang pagwawakas
Ngunit bakit kada mangyayari iyon lagi nalang akong nasusuka.