On Altruism

I have always believed that my grandfather was a man of wisdom. “Importante na marunong kang tumulong at makiramay,” he once told my mother. These words were passed on by my grandfather to my mother. Growing up, my parents exposed us to helping relatives, neighbors and friends. “Sometimes, you have to give until it hurts,” I heard my mother say. She would spend an hour or two lecturing about altruism and selflessness. When my father got sick, we got into an emotional and financial mire. Faith and the selflessness of family, friends, and colleagues helped us get out of the mire. Some gave until it hurt them and I will forever be grateful.


I saw a picture of altruism in our neighbors Manang Corsia and Mang Lupo when I was young. Until now, I could vividly picture Manang Corsia delivering a bowl of pink sopas and a bottle of carabao’s milk in the morning . They would help us during trying times, (typhoons, earthquakes, sickness, accidents, etc.) without expecting anything in return. Altruism is gaudily painted in their persona.

The spirit of altruism is vibrant in Filipino homes or communities. Service, empathy and selflessness are commonplace in Filipino families and communities especially during times of crisis. Given the opportunity and capability, Filipinos will choose to help in a cause that they believe in. These values as passed on from one generation to another.

According to F. Landa Jocano in his book Work Values of Successful Filipinos, one of the core traits or distinguishing qualities of successful Filipinos include “Marunong Makiramay” and “Matulungin.” He said that we have the ability to have a deep concern over people in times of crises. We extend help either emotionally or materially. He furthered that the respondents to his study agreed that “people who readily give assistance are also easily assisted by other in time of need.”

It has been said that much is required to those who were given much. Being blessed at this difficult time, it is but fitting to help others in need. We are too blessed not to help. We are too blessed not to Pay it Forward.

***
Published in the Q2 2010 issue of Press Time, ST Calamba's newsletter

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She would look away and I would look at her.


She would talk incessantly about how things were, her petty concerns, her mundane thoughts. Her laughter would ring inside the coffee shop. I would chastise her with crossed eyebrows. As always, she would ignore me and start ripping me with her sneering laugh. She would breathe life into uneventful things. She would fire up any boring topic. She would never take me seriously. Neither would l, seemingly. I would look at her lovingly when she turns to talk to her friends. I would analyze every strand of her hair, every squint of her eyes, every gesture, hoping she wouldn’t notice me admiring both her perfection and imperfection.

She would share her woes, her angst. I would either starve or feed her angst. I would listen to her sadness. Hoping that I, through listening, would alleviate her misery. I could only share my shoulder. I could only share an extra unused handkerchief, which I would carefully tuck inside my pocket every day, hoping its size could contain the outpour of emotions being blown to it. I would joke around, making a fool of myself, just so I can see the smile behind the tears. I would give anything to see her smile. She will tell me about her admirers and who she likes. I would envy them in secret. I would feel jealous. I would feel her pain. She would not feel mine.

We would try out every place where there is food, from polluted streets to posh overrated restaurants. We would pretend to be food critiques and make up stories. I would sip expensive coffee with her, even if it would mean having to endure eating pancit canton for days, until my urine smells like coffee, until I palpitate during sleepless nights. I would save up for movies, Googling the synopsis so I won’t appear idiotic. She would fall in love with the movie star. I would fall in love with her.

She would tell me more about her life. I would compare notes about mine. She would widen the abyss that separates me from loving her. She would make me realize that I can only love her in silence. I would make that painful resolution that I cannot step up for her. I am too afraid of the consequences and rejection. I will regret not having enough courage to tell her she is the world to me. I can only watch her from afar.

Yes, I am secretly in love with her.

***
Written for a friend who loves in secret

Resibo

Life is but a fleeting dream
A time-bounded sojourn
A short travel in an eternal continuum
We are but a speck in the universe
A feeble existence
A mere statistic
Nothing spectacular

(for a friend)

On Being Decisive

I have done a lot of things that I am not particularly proud of. I went around in circles because I took a lot of wrong turns. More often than not, I feel tired, depressed and alone. More often than not, I feel I have been taken advantage of. I do a lot of things which do not excite me. I choose things that I know would not make me happy. I end up cleaning up other people’s acts. I was supposed to lead but would end up doing everything, just to keep up with commitments. I feel bullied and obliged. I let other people decide for me. I let people influence how I live. I am too afraid to hurt other people. I am too afraid to say no. I can’t decide on my own and end up wavering on the very few decisions that I have made for myself. My happiness is dependent on other people’s happiness. I am particularly happy when things are without aversion. I am high on self restraint. I am careful about how other people see me and react to my decisions. I have high regard to those in authority. I am careful as to how my decision impacts other people’s equilibrium. I have traces of courage but I can’t seem to sustain it.

Now I am tired. I am very tired. I’m starting to care less. I am starting to be lazy. I have yet to see the day when I could muster enough courage to stand on my own and decide on my own. I have yet to see the day when I can boldly say that I own all my decisions. I have yet to be in that space where I am happy, peaceful and excited. I have yet to see the day that I can do what I want and not just because I am obliged. I have a long way to go. I hope someday I would wake up with enough courage to choose to be happy. I hope someday I would make that choice and stick with it.

Eyes

In your eyes I see the world in caricature
In your eyes I enamour the grandure of the skyline
In your eyes I hear notes, rests, and time signatures
Carefully strewn together in a miniscule orchestra
In your eyes I absorb colors in unbelievable radiance
I see a whole new dimension
A whole new meaning
All in stark simplicity
I see all these
As I tread on thin glass
As i falsely hope

Wide-Eyed Slumber

I know I need to sleep
But I just can't
I need to tire myself incessantly
Just to forget
I am frequently consumed
With thoughts and confusion
I have frequently assumed
And fed this worthless imagination


I am in my wide-eyed slumber
Ironic and ambiguous
Unfair and ridiculous

I am in my wide-eyed slumber
Lethargic but alive
Melancholic and resigned

I am in my wide-eyed slumber

Para Kay Iska

Gisingin muli ang diwa… Ang pagmamahal sa bayan… Sa kamalayan… Sa dunong… Sa hustisya…
Gisingin muli ang nahimbing na Iskolar ng Bayan na minsa’y nanumpa…
Nangakong hindi ipapariwara ang kaban ng bayang ginugol sa kanyang pag-aaral….
Nanumpang hindi mag-papaisa… Hindi magpapatanikala… Hindi tatanghod sa wala…
Hindi magiging biktima ng sistema o alipin ng pagkakataon…
Gisingin muli ang yabang na nagmula sa ideolohiyang sinubok ng panahon… Ibinasbas ng mga taon …
Gisingin muli si Iska na may mapusok na damdamin at pagkahaling sa kamalayan…
Gisingin si Iska na nakikialam at bumubuo ng kaalaman…
Yaong hindi marerehasan ang isipan at dadaming may maiigting na paniniwala…
Gisingin muli and diwa sa mula sa saglit na pagkahimlay sa banig ng walang katuturan…
Gumising ka iska… Matalino ka… Mag-isip ka…