Purpose

You've seen it. In your head. Glimpses of your wedding day.  Your big white dress. The teary-eyed man waiting at the end of the aisle.

You've seen it. In your head. Your perfect smile as you travel the world hand in hand with him. "That would be fun," you would say.

You've seen it. In your head. A picture of your cute little home. Your curtains, your kitchen, some Little Tykes sprawling on your pocket garden.

You've seen it. In your head. Your office. The miniscule view of the metropolis from the top. The accolades hanging on your wall.

You've seen it. All in your mind. Like air engulfing your brain. Allowing you to breathe. Like reserves of oil fueling your desire to seize each waking day.

You've seen it. Built a world around it. Attached each happy thought and hopes to it.

But each unfortunate event led to another. Like an unfinished dramatic film unfolding before your eyes.

Bad decisions. Ramifications. Vicissitudes of life rendering you unprepared. Shattering every piece that you hold dear.

You woke up one day and found out what you've clearly seen in your head will not be backed up by truths, only dreams.

Shock. You walked aimlessly in perceived dark corridors. You felt nothing. You floated in a deceptive air of nothingness.

Anger. You channeled all angst and started the blaming harangue.

Sadness. You spent sleepless nights in a fetal position. You wallowed in a buffet of tears. You harbored that hallow feeling in your gut.

Hope, pride, and self-esteem seemed to have left you.  Nothing to look forward to.

Your air turned into suffocating vacuum. Your fuel dried up and left you feeble.

You asked yourself your million dollar question, "What now?"

You've exhausted all means to forget. You set up your life to be exceedingly busy, in hopes that no minute is spent in confronting the bitter reality.

Things didn't seem to make sense. Things didn't seem to work. Things that you've seen in your head coupled with some hard realities haunted you before go to sleep and as you wake up.

What now?

It dawned upon you that purpose seemed to have evaporated from your very essence. How can you be happy without a sense of purpose?

You question your existence. You wonder where you will get the answer. Then you tried searching from the Bible. You've been told that it has answers to difficult questions.

You powered up your NIV Bible search engine and typed "purpose". "What is my purpose?" you kept on asking yourself as the browser returned three pages of verses.

You read through each one and you noticed. There is no mention of "my" purpose. It has always been "His" purpose.

It dawned upon you.

It's not about your purpose but His purpose. Not your plans but His. Not your will but His. It's not about what you have imagined your life to be. 

It’s not what you have purposed in your heart to happen. You do not create your purpose. It has been created for you. In the brokenness of your spirit you realized, well, it's not about you.

So everyday, you earnestly pray. You clamor to know the specificity of your purpose.

So everyday, you earnestly pray. To know.  To get clarity. To live what has been planned out for you.